I'm lying in bed, naked and in the dark (TMI, but honest). I'm trying to keep provoking thoughts at bay and my mind ran on my blog. I honestly cannot say how much I have missed writing but tonight instead of studying I am giving myself the time to just be. This weekend was highly emotional and physically challenging, dealing with family issues. I woke up this morning and wanted very much for someone to take care of me. I have honestly been seriously questioning the meaning of my life in light of these extremely difficult and exhausting situations.
But I give thanks that the Lord has been faithful and that his mercies have never fallen short or been absent. I am reminded that as I go my way, He is ever present and willing to help, never too far for a desperate prayer or a grateful one.
As it relates to the meaning of my life, the answer I am still trying to put together but of late every time I go through a rough or difficult situation I keep thinking it's time for me to start a family. I believe this to be the epitome of life raising a family together with one soul. It just seems to make things worthwhile. I have also been looking at some of my experiences in light of how they will make me into a better mother, do any other women or men think of their life experiences this way? I'd definitely love for my life to mean love and what better way than to have that poured out to my children and to the one man that chooses forever with me.
I have to be constantly in prayer about the Lord changing my heart to live my life according to His will. I can be honest and say that I often struggle with being married before the children. This I know is an after effect of having been married before and now divorced. Of course on the flip side I hate the idea of being someone's 'baby mother'. I am avoiding the urge of going into a full on rant about baby madda drama.
All in all I am well. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am so grateful for this.
I am not remiss that I haven't given an excuse as to why I have been absent, but don't worry, the posts will reveal in time.
