Following My Dreams Pt I & Pt II - One More Prayer, One More Step

I think for a long time I had always known what I wanted to do in life. And the circle of my life thus far has brought me to desire the same things I did back when I was a child.

At 28 years old I decided to go back to school and I'm not talking about doing a Master of Science, which would have seemed like the perfect fit for my Bachelor of Science. Not the popular MBA, no I went back to high school. Summer 2014 I decided to take a leap of faith and make a small step into that door, into the life I desired. To become an MD and ND. With a requirement of six units with grade ones for application into the University of the West Indies Medicine Programme.

Dare to dream Big

Afte calling around to schools and institutions that offered evening school, I had decided on one.  I enrolled to do Biology and Chemistry, Unit Ones. Was I terrified? Heaven's Yes! But that's the thing about dreaming, you know you're doing it right when it terrifies you.

I know when I sometimes set out on a path for a particular thing, other areas of my life suffers and so I had to make a decision on what kind of sacrifices I was going to make. So right before starting school in September I wrote down my intentions for the year, My year of Balance. 

My top 3 goals included a closer relationship with God.  Anything I do, I need God; and to have a closer relationship with Him than I did last year and the year before that is even better.

Upping my fitness. This started by me challenging myself physically with joining a running club, Sonics Steppers Running Club. I know! Me. Laura! Running! Hahaha I still laugh at myself! More on this in a post to come.

And finally Grade 1's in Biology and Chemistry.

In September I started my journey.  Most of my days looked like the following. 

• Waking at 3:30 A.M. 
• Devotions
• Running
• Work
• School
• Sometimes Work again
• Studying
• Sleep
• Start Over

My days involved many bathroom prayers to get me through the days and many times I didn't have the energy to study when I got home.

I had to switch up my church hours to maximize on my Sunday's which turned out to be my only free day of the week.  I started going to 2 other churches, because many times I craved fellowship. Yes somedays I slept through church time and didn't make it, but then I would wake and it would be me and God and a prayer. Some days, I needed a Psalm, some days I needed a song.

My year was filled with tears, many! Many times I thought I must be mad. Like only crazy people do things like this? Right?  Many times I came to work and I was frustrated. Exhausted. Sometimes I was pumped, running on an adrenaline high. Too often I questioned myself, I questioned God. 

My year at school was filled with many failures and pot holes.  I missed classes, cried when I was at work and would rather be at school, cried when I showed up at class only to hear I had a test that I wasn't prepared for and cried because I had failed my tests.  I don't know how many times I had to explain why I was doing what I was doing, I don't know how many times I had to explain to friends who just didn't get it, that I had this program and I had to stick to it and it wasn't that I didn't want to hang out, or go have drinks, or see them but I know the cost for being distracted and messing up my routine.

I remember my first Chemistry class when my teacher, Mr. Robinson asked a question which went to our CXC education needless to say over 10 years ago for me! LOL, He simply told me I had to put in the work and go over the material.  And then in January he called me aside again after having lost my aunt and he told me I can do this. I can get that one.

"For he knows the way that I take when he has tested me I shall come forth as gold" Job 23:10

For every step of the journey, the Lord gave me what I needed, yes many times I was thinking God I can't take another step, but I could. He gave me Jody & Nicholas, my life savers. Both too on their journey to becoming Doctors. He gave me loving souls who knew I needed a pick me up, a phone call, a hug, a word or a prayer. He gave me wise souls to remind me why I wanted to do this and reminded me I could do this.

Well after one gruesome year, I am a witness. With my 2 Grade one's straight A profiles in Unit 1 Biology and Chemistry. 

Cape Results

I can say God is Good. He is Faithful and I'm Blessed. And I know these things, but I am a witness again so must testify of His goodness.

And as I embark on another year of following my dreams, I am filled with gratititude.

I encourage you, don't give up on your dreams, it's never too late to be who you want to be, to change direction and go after them. Nothing is impossible. If there is a challenge, there is a way through it. It certainly doesn't mean it can't be done.

Look out next week for my follow-up Following My Dreams Pt III - One More Breath.

Slacking off in class?

So I've been praying a lot about some major decisions that I have made, needed to make. Last night after having a conversation with a new friend, my mind was on the fast lane, so I decided to calm myself down by taking a shower and having some chocolate tea. When I realized I was on the verge of panic mode! I was like 'Girl, Take a step back from yourself. Take a deep breath. What is up with you?'  I literally came out of my bed and got down on my knees, took another deep breath for good measure and as I tried to clear my mind to pray, this one thought transcended.

God is ready for me and I am unprepared!

Tears came to my eyes, I knew I had slacked off on some things I needed to deal with.  I had allowed myself to become complacent. So I knew what I needed to talk to God about, and there on my bedroom floor, on my knees I laid it out before God. The bad, the ugly, the real ugly. I apologized to God because I shouldn't be this behind, and then I apologized to myself because I deserved better, even from myself.

When you have been in a physical traumatic situation, probably broken a few bones, lost your speech, maybe just a shell of who you are suppose to be, you enter rehabilitation.  So it isalso with our emotionally traumatic situations, we need to enter an emotional rehabilitation.

Emotional trauma is just as real as a physical trauma, it's so precarious, you can't see the wounds, can't touch them, but they leave you just as exposed to the harsh elements, maybe not water, not the sun, not germs, but emotional scars can get just as infected as the physical ones, with sin, with dishonesty, with mediocrity, with society-worldly views.

If you are going through something, on the inside, maybe it hasn't been spurred on by lost love, maybe it's just a coming into oneself, just remember, birthing pains are going to hurt, and you may even misjudge yourself and make a bad call. But don't lose hope, your scars are healing. You may not feel it, may not know it but they are, even now, they can heal. Just as much as my physical body needs vitamins and minerals to help it fight infections, my soul needs the Word of God to fight infections. And my God is so gentle, and forgiving.

 Psalm 103: 1-5

1Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

 2Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

 3Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

 4Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

 5Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's. 

It's never too late to get things right, I don't want to live my life knowing I am wasting it away, Get it right. So although He is ready for me and I'm unprepared now, I know He is gearing up for something grand.  2012 is my year.  So I'm going to brush up on what I have outstanding, I'm going to be ready Lord.  As long as I have life, I am able to make a change that I need to make.  There is no point sitting down and letting wounds fester, no point sitting in the classroom wanting to get out and live and your not doing the work to get out. 

Clean up, Live healthy, inside and out and be prepared.

I leave you with this thought I read from today's word for today.

God will not do what I must, and I cannot do what He can.

God's going to do His part, He is going to heal.  He is going to make new.  But I have my part too.

Originally Published in 2012