Love isn't compromise and it isn't Settling.

For those of you who are close to me, you will know that something very, very important happened recently.

I'm still processing my feelings and my thoughts, and hope to share them as I go through them.

Today I wanted to share with you a lesson I'm learning.

"When it comes to love, don't compromise."

It sounds simple enough, but I know that there are very few of us that figure out what this really means on the first try. When I use to think of love, I rarely ever thought about what it would look like when it was returned to me but more of what it would look like when I gave it, I suppose I expected it to resemble, something out of romance novels or from the movies. You know, the roses/chocolates, kissing in the rain/ or simply saying I love you. And yes while those are grand sweet gestures, the truth is they are gestures everyone mimics.  I know love is more than that, but I thought of love and the way I would give it to the person I love; I did that banking on the fact that he would consider how he would reciprocate this kind of love to me.

This chapter of this lesson I'm currently trying to process, is loving myself. I consider if I had loved myself the way I'm trying to now, I wouldn't have settled or compromised for a love that was less than mine, thinking it would be enough if I loved him enough, if I was good enough, if he saw how much I was willing to do for him. Big big big mistake!  Needless to say, if I had loved myself the way I do, even this little, I would have recognized what I needed; and if it didn't resemble what I'm use to, what I give myself then I would have been able to know that this isn't it.

I'm trying to live and love without regrets, but this lesson stands out so clear in my mind right now, even as the dust settles around me.

I've come to realize that if my relationship with God was on par, growing and not stagnant, if I had known Him the way I do now, I would be able to recognize perfect love and anything that comes close to the way He loves me.  I would have learnt earlier how to love myself, and then be able to see that love when it is given to me and be able to give it in return.

So today I ask you this: How do you love yourself? Does the love you currently show yourself resemble God's Love for you?  And does the love you currently receive from your significant other mimic that?

 Originally published in 2011

Hakuna Matata - Success in my eyes.

Last night my sis took me to see Lion King 3D; what can I say my inner child loooooovveeess this movie.

While standing on the outskirts of all the parents trying to get food for their kids I watched a teenage boy and a girl interact. As they stood in the lobby the young man made fun of the girl's hair and her nose; It was obvious that she was disappointed; I overheard him ask her what it was that she wanted to eat and she said throwing her hands up in the air "I guess I'll have M&M's" the boy then stretched out his hand and  jested for the money. The young girl clearly tired / embarrassed of his antics just rolled her eyes and walked into the theatre obviously frustrated. I can imagine this would not be date to call the girlfriends up and gush over.

I said a prayer for that young girl, that she wouldn't compromise herself to make love happen, because that isn't love. I prayed she would be confident in herself to know she would be alright and that she doesn't need to chase love or men.  That in time the right one will find her.  I prayed for the young man too, that he would learn soon how a woman deserves to be treated and that being cocky and putting down a woman doesn't make you cool, it just makes you mean. 


I remember being a teenager, I remember the compromises I made because I wanted someone to like me.  Boy I wish I was honest with myself then, like I am learning to be now, would have saved myself a lot of heartache. But my mistakes, they are memories and they are lessons and I'm still learning, still becoming.

I wish I could say I don't worry for Love, I do.  I have a view of success and it may not fit into everyone else's view but that's the point of success, it's mine to own. So mine is, Being the best I can be at all I put my mind to; to be love; having a family; raising my children to be good people; to have good morals and values; to teach them the way of Christ in the hope that some day they can find Him and teach others. My view of success is living with love and fighting our battles together as man & woman & family& friends; it's growing old and having realized, I did the best I could with what I got; to have been blessed and been a blessing. To hear God say "Well done my good and faithful servant".

And as many of you may know, I've had a major setback on my road to success. I could totally use this time to go on an ultimate freak out because Hello I'm 25 and how in heavens am I gonna have 6 kids if I don't start now?????? but as Timon and Pumba reminded me last night Hakuna Matata which is Swahili for "There are no worries." And its true; there are no worries in God, I know God has got this; after all He knew me before I existed and my life is in His hand.

So as I sit here on my bed this cloudy Sunday evening with a strep throat to kill and an ear infection to die from, I'm encouraging you guys to Live and don't compromise yourself; and to not do that you have to know yourself; you have to be yourself.

What's your view of success?

Originally published in 2011