Soul Searching - Your Feelings Are Real and Valid

So I've been treading lightly in some soul searching shallow water and came across this post from Lori at TinyBuddha and wanted to share with you.  I know we all sometimes feel this way and thought I would spread the encouragement. 

Tiny Wisdom: Your Feelings Are Real and Valid

“Feelings are real and legitimate.” -Unknown

One of the most frustrating things in the world is feeling something painful and having other people tell you that you shouldn’t be upset.

That it’s no big deal that relationship didn’t work out, or that opportunity didn’t pan out—that it’s all in your head, so you should let it go, suck it up, and move on.

A while back, a friend of mine got fired from a new job after her first day. We were out in a group when she got the call, and several of us watched her emotions slowly build to gut-wrenching tears.

Naturally, everyone wanted to console her, but that quickly turned into a rapid fire succession of reminders that it really was no big deal—no one died—and she shouldn’t feel so crushed.

I understand it can be helpful to put things in perspective, and I know there were good intentions behind those words, but I found myself wondering if it ever helps to tell someone that they should be feeling something else.

No matter what someone else thinks about our circumstances and how we should respond, our feelings are not imagined.

If you’re mourning a loss of any kind, you don’t have to pretend you’re not hurt. Know that your feelings are real and valid.

If you’re missing the way things were, you don’t have to pretend you’re not sad. Know that your feelings are real and valid.

If you’ve been betrayed, disrespected, or violated in any way, you don’t have to pretend you’re not angry. Know that your feelings are real and valid.

We are only human, and we are going to have times when we feel wounded, sometimes over events that would challenge anyone’s sense of composure, and sometimes over things that may seem insignificant to everyone but us.

In those moments, we may feel an overwhelming surge of emotion without really know the words to express it. Maybe the key is to simply feel it, without stressing about whether that’s right or wrong, and then give ourselves some time to understand what’s going on in our heads and our hearts.

We can either judge our emotions, telling ourselves we should be stronger, or accept them for what they are, and then allow ourselves space to recognize what we can think and do to feel stronger.

Originally Published in 2012

Love isn't compromise and it isn't Settling.

For those of you who are close to me, you will know that something very, very important happened recently.

I'm still processing my feelings and my thoughts, and hope to share them as I go through them.

Today I wanted to share with you a lesson I'm learning.

"When it comes to love, don't compromise."

It sounds simple enough, but I know that there are very few of us that figure out what this really means on the first try. When I use to think of love, I rarely ever thought about what it would look like when it was returned to me but more of what it would look like when I gave it, I suppose I expected it to resemble, something out of romance novels or from the movies. You know, the roses/chocolates, kissing in the rain/ or simply saying I love you. And yes while those are grand sweet gestures, the truth is they are gestures everyone mimics.  I know love is more than that, but I thought of love and the way I would give it to the person I love; I did that banking on the fact that he would consider how he would reciprocate this kind of love to me.

This chapter of this lesson I'm currently trying to process, is loving myself. I consider if I had loved myself the way I'm trying to now, I wouldn't have settled or compromised for a love that was less than mine, thinking it would be enough if I loved him enough, if I was good enough, if he saw how much I was willing to do for him. Big big big mistake!  Needless to say, if I had loved myself the way I do, even this little, I would have recognized what I needed; and if it didn't resemble what I'm use to, what I give myself then I would have been able to know that this isn't it.

I'm trying to live and love without regrets, but this lesson stands out so clear in my mind right now, even as the dust settles around me.

I've come to realize that if my relationship with God was on par, growing and not stagnant, if I had known Him the way I do now, I would be able to recognize perfect love and anything that comes close to the way He loves me.  I would have learnt earlier how to love myself, and then be able to see that love when it is given to me and be able to give it in return.

So today I ask you this: How do you love yourself? Does the love you currently show yourself resemble God's Love for you?  And does the love you currently receive from your significant other mimic that?

 Originally published in 2011

What to do about the past

What do you do when nostalgia sweeps over your very core of being?
When memories taunt you of what was and your dreams tease you with the-could-have-beens?

I'll tell you what I did.
I took a deep breath,
I dove into the nostalgia and I allowed my feelings to respond
Responded to my memories and I nodded at my dreams.
Then when the chill of the familiarity was gone, and my memories ran into my dreams and the could-have-beens.

I left it in that moment.
I took another step, smiled and moved on.

Originally published in 2011

Study Notes 1.0

Make friends wherever you go;

Forgive yourself for the people that you have hurt;

Love yourself with your flaws;

Take chances; Tread lightly; Live.

Live, it is your only chance;

Love as if it is your last;

Do not worry about what tomorrow holds,

God is in control.

Originally Posted in 2011