Revelation - Live Light

I was sitting in my doctor's office today. And as I found a seat by this Caucasian elderly man reading a book on teaching techniques I surveyed the room of patients waiting patiently to see my doctor.

Two faces I remembered from previous visits.

It occurred to me that I have been coming to my doctor too frequently for me to have remembered these two ladies. I was not amused. I said to myself "O Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! What are you doing?"

It was in that single moment after two in the afternoon that I had this dialogue with myself.

The Revelation:

I am sitting here because of asthma, an illness I had recently developed over the last couple of months. I  am also suffering from a persistent cough. Am I going to live the rest of my life on medication and an illness I am not familiar with? Between the asthma/persistent cough/ and tonsillitis you cannot even sing? How much more joy will you lose?

My asthma/persistent cough/ tonsillitis are all caused by stress. Never had them until my life was turned upside down!

That means something!

And if it does then I can stop all this madness.

I can take control!

I will.
Starting over I am going to take control of my stress before it takes control of me. My emotional illness has now manifested itself into a real physical problem one that is costing me dearly and Laura haven't I lost enough. Paid enough for something I didn't ask for.

I agreed with my better self of course.
I need to start living light.

Living Light- Doing away with the things that I would love to matter but do not. Putting down my worries for things I cannot change. Accepting what is and is not.

Starting with 'I accept that I love a man that no longer love me.'

I am not the first woman to have experienced this. And this love; my love is real, it's tangible. But it isn't the end of the world.

I'm on my journey to discover me patiently.

Originally published in 2011

No safety in now

Would you believe that I actually started typing this post and deleted it, this after staring at the screen for couple of minutes while I wrote the post in my mind?

Job 23 :10 says: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

 The devil would have me believe that staying right here, in this moment, is better than moving forward. Better than what is to come. After all, I do not know what is to come.  He would like me to find comfort in the safety of now. In other words he would like me to stop growing, stop searching, stop desiring, stop dreaming, stop hoping, stop resting on the promises of God.

Life is not a moment. Let me type that again. Life is not a moment. 

It is a series of events.  It is a journey.  It is a path we must take, whether you are going to creep, walk, run, drive, ride and die. Everything, from we were born 'til we die, is a progression.  We were not made to stand still. We were not made to not grow. The only way to grow is to step out of the safety of now.  

I had to ask myself this question, when the devil tried to lie to me: What kind of woman do I want to be? Do I want to be the woman that sits idly while time passes? Do I want to be a piece of copper? Or like Job do I want to be gold?  My trials are not in vain, because God has a plan.  My tears are not in vain because, He knows best.  My losses are not in vain, because he is making room.

Don't be disheartened, Dream, and Dream Big. Live and Live Loud. Love and Love with everything you have.  Make everything count.  Don't sit down, get up and dance, Don't be quiet, sing the song of your soul.

Even nature doesn't stand still, the Earth moves, the trees grow, the flowers bloom everything grows, and so do I.  

As do you.

Know this, there is no safety in NOW.  

Originally Published in 2012

What to do about the past

What do you do when nostalgia sweeps over your very core of being?
When memories taunt you of what was and your dreams tease you with the-could-have-beens?

I'll tell you what I did.
I took a deep breath,
I dove into the nostalgia and I allowed my feelings to respond
Responded to my memories and I nodded at my dreams.
Then when the chill of the familiarity was gone, and my memories ran into my dreams and the could-have-beens.

I left it in that moment.
I took another step, smiled and moved on.

Originally published in 2011

Study Notes 1.0

Make friends wherever you go;

Forgive yourself for the people that you have hurt;

Love yourself with your flaws;

Take chances; Tread lightly; Live.

Live, it is your only chance;

Love as if it is your last;

Do not worry about what tomorrow holds,

God is in control.

Originally Posted in 2011