Revelation - Live Light

I was sitting in my doctor's office today. And as I found a seat by this Caucasian elderly man reading a book on teaching techniques I surveyed the room of patients waiting patiently to see my doctor.

Two faces I remembered from previous visits.

It occurred to me that I have been coming to my doctor too frequently for me to have remembered these two ladies. I was not amused. I said to myself "O Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! What are you doing?"

It was in that single moment after two in the afternoon that I had this dialogue with myself.

The Revelation:

I am sitting here because of asthma, an illness I had recently developed over the last couple of months. I  am also suffering from a persistent cough. Am I going to live the rest of my life on medication and an illness I am not familiar with? Between the asthma/persistent cough/ and tonsillitis you cannot even sing? How much more joy will you lose?

My asthma/persistent cough/ tonsillitis are all caused by stress. Never had them until my life was turned upside down!

That means something!

And if it does then I can stop all this madness.

I can take control!

I will.
Starting over I am going to take control of my stress before it takes control of me. My emotional illness has now manifested itself into a real physical problem one that is costing me dearly and Laura haven't I lost enough. Paid enough for something I didn't ask for.

I agreed with my better self of course.
I need to start living light.

Living Light- Doing away with the things that I would love to matter but do not. Putting down my worries for things I cannot change. Accepting what is and is not.

Starting with 'I accept that I love a man that no longer love me.'

I am not the first woman to have experienced this. And this love; my love is real, it's tangible. But it isn't the end of the world.

I'm on my journey to discover me patiently.

Originally published in 2011

Soul Searching - Your Feelings Are Real and Valid

So I've been treading lightly in some soul searching shallow water and came across this post from Lori at TinyBuddha and wanted to share with you.  I know we all sometimes feel this way and thought I would spread the encouragement. 

Tiny Wisdom: Your Feelings Are Real and Valid

“Feelings are real and legitimate.” -Unknown

One of the most frustrating things in the world is feeling something painful and having other people tell you that you shouldn’t be upset.

That it’s no big deal that relationship didn’t work out, or that opportunity didn’t pan out—that it’s all in your head, so you should let it go, suck it up, and move on.

A while back, a friend of mine got fired from a new job after her first day. We were out in a group when she got the call, and several of us watched her emotions slowly build to gut-wrenching tears.

Naturally, everyone wanted to console her, but that quickly turned into a rapid fire succession of reminders that it really was no big deal—no one died—and she shouldn’t feel so crushed.

I understand it can be helpful to put things in perspective, and I know there were good intentions behind those words, but I found myself wondering if it ever helps to tell someone that they should be feeling something else.

No matter what someone else thinks about our circumstances and how we should respond, our feelings are not imagined.

If you’re mourning a loss of any kind, you don’t have to pretend you’re not hurt. Know that your feelings are real and valid.

If you’re missing the way things were, you don’t have to pretend you’re not sad. Know that your feelings are real and valid.

If you’ve been betrayed, disrespected, or violated in any way, you don’t have to pretend you’re not angry. Know that your feelings are real and valid.

We are only human, and we are going to have times when we feel wounded, sometimes over events that would challenge anyone’s sense of composure, and sometimes over things that may seem insignificant to everyone but us.

In those moments, we may feel an overwhelming surge of emotion without really know the words to express it. Maybe the key is to simply feel it, without stressing about whether that’s right or wrong, and then give ourselves some time to understand what’s going on in our heads and our hearts.

We can either judge our emotions, telling ourselves we should be stronger, or accept them for what they are, and then allow ourselves space to recognize what we can think and do to feel stronger.

Originally Published in 2012