Here are my words

There are so many thoughts going on in my mind.
I wish for someone who will find me unforgettable,
That will be complete on his own, every gap filled with the glory of God.
If all the love I have ever spent on those that have hurt me, that I have hurt,
It's a cost I must pay, I hope he knows its a price well-paid.

For all the alone times I've spent trying to figure out how this skin I'm in fits,
All the tears I've shed for the price I thought was too great.
All the seasons the Lord has brought me through to take me where I am suppose to be.

Here are my words. They aren't much, might travel around the globe,
But here they are.
I've spoken them on many bathroom floors,
chanted them on my knees
reworded, edited, rephrased, written, wiped out.
still here are my words,
Said in prayers,
sang in my song,
here are my words,
On the tip of my tongue on the edge of my lips,
here are my words and they have their own beat,
here are my words spoken in a moment's panic,
in my space of desolation and lacking.
Here are my words Father, as they have always been.

Love. Hurt. Wait. Long. Live. Laugh. Love. Wait. You. Love. God. Help. Love. Eat. Breathe. Love. Walk. Run to me. Love Hurry. No. Love. Wait. Wherever you are. Love. Hear me.


© Laura Jenoure  2012

Go Ahead and Just Live... Even for a Little

Last Saturday I decided to do something I have not done in years, go out ALONE!
*Insert deep sigh here*
I'm kidding. It was GREAT!


I had carefully thought about this day coming up and had even invited a close friend of mine to join me, but that didn't work out.  Needless to say the day before I was rather anxious and almost wussed out on going by myself, but who really wants to go down punking out? I don't.  So when Saturday morning rolled around, I had spent the morning indulging in a good daily dose of my favourite game SIMS, taking a nap and then had dinner. For my soul preparation I had a long hot shower and then I got all dolled up for ME to some happy music. I was gorgeous.

I had spent the evening attending a dance presentation by the Dance Theatre Xaymaca- GREAT SHOW. A friend of mine, participated in a few of the dances (Kels, You are still a beautiful dancer!).  I thought it was a very epic ending to a rather difficult week.  I was able to reinforce some self-love lessons and I was able to get out and laugh and smile and be inspired by the human body and human bodies moving to soulful music.

I got enough juice to say "Laura, You are going to get through this."  Before the show Kels called to say she had another friend who was also attending solo and if it was OK if she sat with me, I said sure, it was fine. Funnily she shared that a mutual friend of ours referred her to my blog and that she was actually trying to practice on one such post about Perfect Love.
While she is still in her relationship she is trying to figure out how to spend some time with herself alone.  I wish you all the best Paige, just remember every habit starts with a thought, and I hope everything works out.

All in all it was a beautiful evening. I am really happy and proud of myself that I went because the truth is that Life starts right now. Right in this moment. Whether I like it or not, whether I have money or not, or a man or not. It is happening and there isn't anything I can do to stop it and unfortunately I can't walk into the Life Store and request a refund on all the times I didn't LIVE.  So if you are like me- Trying to find contentment in what you have right now and learning to love yourself in spite of. Go Ahead and Just Live... even for a little :)

Have you ever gone out by yourself? What was the experience like for you?

Originally published in 2011

Love isn't compromise and it isn't Settling.

For those of you who are close to me, you will know that something very, very important happened recently.

I'm still processing my feelings and my thoughts, and hope to share them as I go through them.

Today I wanted to share with you a lesson I'm learning.

"When it comes to love, don't compromise."

It sounds simple enough, but I know that there are very few of us that figure out what this really means on the first try. When I use to think of love, I rarely ever thought about what it would look like when it was returned to me but more of what it would look like when I gave it, I suppose I expected it to resemble, something out of romance novels or from the movies. You know, the roses/chocolates, kissing in the rain/ or simply saying I love you. And yes while those are grand sweet gestures, the truth is they are gestures everyone mimics.  I know love is more than that, but I thought of love and the way I would give it to the person I love; I did that banking on the fact that he would consider how he would reciprocate this kind of love to me.

This chapter of this lesson I'm currently trying to process, is loving myself. I consider if I had loved myself the way I'm trying to now, I wouldn't have settled or compromised for a love that was less than mine, thinking it would be enough if I loved him enough, if I was good enough, if he saw how much I was willing to do for him. Big big big mistake!  Needless to say, if I had loved myself the way I do, even this little, I would have recognized what I needed; and if it didn't resemble what I'm use to, what I give myself then I would have been able to know that this isn't it.

I'm trying to live and love without regrets, but this lesson stands out so clear in my mind right now, even as the dust settles around me.

I've come to realize that if my relationship with God was on par, growing and not stagnant, if I had known Him the way I do now, I would be able to recognize perfect love and anything that comes close to the way He loves me.  I would have learnt earlier how to love myself, and then be able to see that love when it is given to me and be able to give it in return.

So today I ask you this: How do you love yourself? Does the love you currently show yourself resemble God's Love for you?  And does the love you currently receive from your significant other mimic that?

 Originally published in 2011

Study Notes 1.0

Make friends wherever you go;

Forgive yourself for the people that you have hurt;

Love yourself with your flaws;

Take chances; Tread lightly; Live.

Live, it is your only chance;

Love as if it is your last;

Do not worry about what tomorrow holds,

God is in control.

Originally Posted in 2011