So I've been praying a lot about some major decisions that I have made, needed to make. Last night after having a conversation with a new friend, my mind was on the fast lane, so I decided to calm myself down by taking a shower and having some chocolate tea. When I realized I was on the verge of panic mode! I was like 'Girl, Take a step back from yourself. Take a deep breath. What is up with you?' I literally came out of my bed and got down on my knees, took another deep breath for good measure and as I tried to clear my mind to pray, this one thought transcended.
God is ready for me and I am unprepared!
Tears came to my eyes, I knew I had slacked off on some things I needed to deal with. I had allowed myself to become complacent. So I knew what I needed to talk to God about, and there on my bedroom floor, on my knees I laid it out before God. The bad, the ugly, the real ugly. I apologized to God because I shouldn't be this behind, and then I apologized to myself because I deserved better, even from myself.
When you have been in a physical traumatic situation, probably broken a few bones, lost your speech, maybe just a shell of who you are suppose to be, you enter rehabilitation. So it isalso with our emotionally traumatic situations, we need to enter an emotional rehabilitation.
Emotional trauma is just as real as a physical trauma, it's so precarious, you can't see the wounds, can't touch them, but they leave you just as exposed to the harsh elements, maybe not water, not the sun, not germs, but emotional scars can get just as infected as the physical ones, with sin, with dishonesty, with mediocrity, with society-worldly views.
If you are going through something, on the inside, maybe it hasn't been spurred on by lost love, maybe it's just a coming into oneself, just remember, birthing pains are going to hurt, and you may even misjudge yourself and make a bad call. But don't lose hope, your scars are healing. You may not feel it, may not know it but they are, even now, they can heal. Just as much as my physical body needs vitamins and minerals to help it fight infections, my soul needs the Word of God to fight infections. And my God is so gentle, and forgiving.
Psalm 103: 1-5
1Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
3Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
4Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
5Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
It's never too late to get things right, I don't want to live my life knowing I am wasting it away, Get it right. So although He is ready for me and I'm unprepared now, I know He is gearing up for something grand. 2012 is my year. So I'm going to brush up on what I have outstanding, I'm going to be ready Lord. As long as I have life, I am able to make a change that I need to make. There is no point sitting down and letting wounds fester, no point sitting in the classroom wanting to get out and live and your not doing the work to get out.
Clean up, Live healthy, inside and out and be prepared.
I leave you with this thought I read from today's word for today.
God will not do what I must, and I cannot do what He can.
God's going to do His part, He is going to heal. He is going to make new. But I have my part too.
Originally Published in 2012
